My Crisis of Faith

I have already written about this topic in my final essay blog post but I think I need to expand and get into some details. In sports, I believe a coach and his or her players need to have a certain connection to be successful. In order for a connection to happen, trust needs to be earned between the players and coach. That trust must be earned by the coach as well as by the players. This year, not only has my former coach broken his trust with me, but many of the supervisors at Alameda High who I use to trust lost a lot of respect from me. This all began before winter break during the Alameda High School men’s basketball tournament. In our first game against McClymonds High school, I was getting really frustrated at the coach, Mr. Felder, because he was being very negative and he wasn’t coaching but instead yelling at his players. Then during the game, he gave up on our team by sitting at the end of the bench with his head in his hands, moping. Mr. Felder also pulled out all of the starters, including myself. I was very upset because we were still playing hard and deserved a chance to try and win the game. And the game was still close but he thought that we already lost. Finally, he decided to put back all the starters again but by then we were down 25 points, too far behind to catch up so I told him, “I’m tired” because I was frustrated with his attitude. We ended up losing the game because of him. Afterward, I vented to the head varsity coach and my parents on what my frustration was, that our coach had quit on our team. The head varsity coach went to speak to Mr. Felder to get his feedback. The head varsity coach returned, then explained to my parents and I that Mr. Felder had told him that I had quit on the team! I was completely shocked! The head coach told me and my parents that we would have a meeting and discuss the situation without any penalty later in the week. We agreed and I expected to play in game the next day against Skyline High.

The next day, December 19, Saturday, we were to play Skyline at 2pm. With game time approaching, I notice that Mr. Felder had not entered the locker room to give the customary pre-game speech. Instead, the women’s JV basketball coach, Mr. Burnett, walked into the locker room. How odd I thought? Mr. Burnett then proceeded to blast the players for not playing together the night before, singling out the Captains, particularly me by accusing me of quitting on the team. Minutes to game time, the doors open and the team walks out to their bench. A minute later I come out with Mr. Felder behind him. My teammate Zac, who had turned his ankle, was in street clothes and asked me, “Are you ready?” I replied, “I’m not playing, I’ve been suspended.” Mr. Felder had ordered all of my teammates out of the locker room, and then told me I had been suspended. I thought we had all agreed that no actions were to be taken until all the facts had come out in our upcoming meeting on Wednesday. I guess not! Yet, I sat on the bench, encouraged my teammates, and I really wanted to be there for them. The 3rd quarter rolled around, a time out was called, and my teammates and I huddled together. During the huddle, another teammate made a comment out of frustration. Mr. Felder thought he was giving him attitude and said, “There must be something wrong with this team and you all have attitude problems.” I looked at my injured teammate Zac and we just rolled our eyes. Then all of a sudden, Mr. Felder started to bark at us asking if were having a conversation. I said, “No. We weren’t talking.” He replied, “Well you can go sit down at the end of the bench.” I was so mad that I walked into the locker room and took my frustrations out in there instead of exploding in front of him. As I walked out of the locker room to return to the bench, I see my dad and I told him, “It’s not right, I didn’t say anything. He kicked me out of the huddle!” What ever happened to our agreement to meet to discuss the situation, and just let me play? Minutes later, my family and I walked out of the gym humiliated and furious.

My parents pulled me from the team, we had a series of meetings with the head varsity coach, the athletic director, and the principal, but all we got out of it were lies and slander. They labeled me a “Quitter” and took the side of the Mr. Felder, without even considering the facts. My parents called the Superintendents office and we asked for an investigation of all parties involved and to ask parents, players, and coaches what really happened. On Monday, February 1st, we were informed that Mr. Felder had been fired for conduct unbecoming a coach. He had yelled at all the players during practice the week before and then proceeded to humiliate a player, calling him a “cry baby” and then saying, “You can tell that to your punk-ass dad.” My parents had another meeting with the Superintendent and the principal, they apologized to what had happened to me during the winter break, and after checking out the facts I was cleared of the suspension, that I didn’t quit on the team, the coach did. What really bothered me was that the school administrators believed Mr. Felder without even talking to me about what happened. I wasn’t given a chance to tell my side.

As a player, I am trained to respect and trust my coaches. As a person, I am trained to respect and trust my elders. This really challenged me because I could not do what I was trained to do. Instead, I had to watch my back and I couldn’t trust the people who I am suppose to. I didn’t quit the team, or quit on myself. Even though the “Adults” lied and tried to blame me for their problems, I stuck to what I felt in my heart, to tell the truth and stand up for what I thought was right, even though it might cause me to stop doing what I love, like playing basketball. I lost my faith in some of the teachers at Alameda High, but I have learned that adversity really does test your beliefs and I’ve become a stronger person for it. Yesterday, I was selected along with three other teammates to join the varsity team for the NCS playoffs.